A number of years ago, a close friend challenged the way I speak to my wife. It was a pretty uncomfortable moment for me, because despite the trust I had in this person, I felt like some of the things that I said to my wife that weren’t necessarily pleasant for her to hear were “necessary.”
Upon a little self-reflection and also after asking my wife about some of the “constructive criticism” I had shared with her, I found that those things were actually sometimes hurtful to her. They were not always hurtful, but feedback that I had given (or criticism) were mean (sometimes) for her good. I did however realize that sometimes they were NOT for her good, but in an attempt to merely make me feel better.
After doing a little “business with God” of the issue, I realized that I needed to apologize to my wife. It is my earnest desire to treat her as Christ treats the church, and give my life up for her. However, I am irreparably damaged, and barely have the ability to live up to that goal. In my prayer time, I realized that choosing to give “words of life” to her and to my children is a double-win. It is a blessing to the receiver, of course, but it is also a blessing to the giver, because it reaffirms in MY heart, my desire to be a better man, husband, and father. Since that day, I have chosen to make “words of life” a regular part of my speech to my wife and to my kids.